Take A Different Path... It's Cool- Don't Worry.

5 am... Usually I'd be frustrated but, coffee was already made thanks to the roomie, the pup is under the covers laying across my feet keeping them warm and best of all, it's quiet.

It's that time of year where I start reflecting on the last year.  What decisions I made, what I did and didn't do, who was effected, etc.  I have to say... I'm happy.

L's Journey was... well, if I'm being truthful, a way of dredging up the past.  Recently, I've been less involved with it than other projects because everytime I thought of something, I would immediately think that I didn't want to put myself through it.  Everyone knows the sayings- the quotes are all over the internet, you can't move forward if you're still living in the past.  And... I was.  It's time to move on.  It's time to accept that my life has been the way its been for a reason.  I accept the people in my life for who they are- not what they've done.  I accept that everyone has a past- so do I.  I accept the dynamics of my family- even though its hard.  I accept the job I have- not everyone is lucky enough to be employed.  I accept Me.  I'm not perfect but I've had some pretty perfect moments.

It's taken me a loooonnnnnnnggggg time to get to this place. Contentment.  I don't have much but what I do have is quality.  For now on, that is what I'll be focusing on. 

But... if you're ever in the mood (which you should be all the time) head over to The Sex Diet to see what raucous is ensuing!

The Cup... Is Attempting Spillage...

I've purposely taken some time from writing this blog and the others too, for that matter.  I needed to take some time to redefine what I believe my purpose to be, in writing and all aspects of Me.  Essentially, I needed to re-learn the skills to be grateful.  To have a cup that spillith over with gratitude.

The absence of writing in my life gave me a slap in the face.  At the most random times I will get hit with things that I feel like I need to write down.  But.... I forced myself not to during the last little while.  I don't know if I really had a good reason.  Maybe I felt like if writing was an actual skill of mine, I'd remember those things and write about them when I was ready.  Not a good reason, I know.  However, I was able to come to a conclusion...

My writing is for me.  Not for anyone else.  However, I do love that people enjoy it.  I have not and will not censor or fake my writing.  It is what it is.

While I don't always have the utmost confidence in what comes out, I will own up to it.  It makes me happy.  It's always there when I need it.  It's a reflection in the truest form.

AND.... Speaking of reflections... Head on over to The Sex Diet to read the latest on what happens to a person when they don't feed wants/needs correctly...

Oh Sweet Body Of Mine

I went to the gym twice today.  Neither time did I get out of the car. Why?  Because, there were people there.  I pulled into the parking lot, observed the amount of cars there and said to myself "I'll come back when nobody is here."

Oh Sweet Body Of Mine... It doesn't like to be around strangers or should I say... It doesn't like to worry about what other people are thinking. 

Hey!  At least I tried to go back.

I wonder....

Forty years ago today, my best friend was born.  She's is an amazing woman.  She has suffered so much in her life.  Yet, she is able to wake up everyday with a smile on her face.  She has inspired me to be less judgmental, to value my circumstance more and to be more confident.

So, I wonder... Does she know how amazing she is?  Hopefully, she does.



I do... I Really Do... Like Me, That Is.

Finally!  It isn't a lie.  I feel it.  I really really do!

I have to first shout out to Heather @ lifeofapasserie for challenging everyone to just do it. While it has taken quite a bit of time for me to come up with this list, she inspired me to get it done.  Amazingly, I really really really BELIEVE everything on this list.  Such a content feeling, THANK YOU Heather!

• My tattoo's... Because I remember the experience of getting each and every one of them.
• My hair... Because I can change it easily and it always grows back!
• My brown eyes...
• My vanity... I'm not vain but as I've gotten older I've started the realize the importance of feeling pretty for Me.
• I always  have toenails painted...
• My coffee addiction...
• My funniness... I am AMAZINGLY funny
• My love of feeding people...
• My love of expressing feelings...
• My love of "feeling" feelings...
• MY ABILITY TO FINALLY BE CONTENT WITH ME!

Now... I need to figure out how to keep adding to this list.

Happy listing ya'll...

Like Sand Through The Hourglass... These Are The Days Of My Life

I haven't been very involved in this blog lately.  Which, if you think about the title and the reason that I started it in the first place, could only mean one thing... I haven't been very involved with my journey lately.

I've struggled with the direction that I'm going.  Not in life, well, that's not true at all.  Daily life is fine.  I'm getting through tasks, surviving.  But at the end of the day... I'm not feeling like I've had any real accomplishments.  Going through life in uncertainty doesn't make it easy to have genuine smiles. 

Now before I continue, I need to remind you what a pessimist I am!  Affirmations are silly, I've always felt that way.  But, over the last few days I've been trying to use affirmations as a way of getting through the day.  I'll laugh at myself and continue on with whatever task I'm working on.  I began to think that I need to write something upbeat and positive... A sort of SMACK IN DA FACE!

Today, a blogging friend, Heather @ lifeofapasserie posted exactly what I needed.  She is a self described natural beauty, and she writes beautifully too!  She so poignantly reminds everyone to simply... Like who you are.  Please read her post and link to her list.  Commit to being committed to You.

You wear your skin... Own It...  Love It.

Finding Beauty In The Past...

“Sometimes we have to go right into the fire in order to find our true healing.” ~Jack Kornfield

Hence... The new tattoo.  I'm up to ten.  That's right, One-Zero. 

I have a list of things that I'd like to get but I wanted this one to really mean something.  Which is why its taken so long for me to get it.  I've been working on making Me better for a while now and I wanted to celebrate that. 

One of my all time favorite things is The Rose That Grew From Concrete by Tupac.  It's short, sweet and reminds me of Me.  In the midst of all the chaos in my life,  I continued to grow, and I did it without a major support system.

Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams,
it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.

So... Here it is.  My constant reminder to always walk with my head high.