Independence Is A Game....

At the end of every year I start the dreaded process of evaluting where I'm at and I begin making promises to myself that I'll do better in the next year.  I lie to myself a lot!

I wrote the following list last year... looking at it, I don't know how much I've worked on certain things.  I'll makes notes accordingly next to some items:

2010 List of Laura

• people need to have something in common to keep them close
• is freedom or security better?
• INDEPENDENCE IS A GAME
• am I emotionally and mentally involved with myself  (End Of Year Note: I think I might actually be making progress with this!!)
• often hate others confidence (EOYN: I took this too much to heart and now I think others might be hating mine!)
• ambivalence for life and love
• always waiting for something external to change my life (EOYN: I had a huge problem with this in 2010)
• living below capabilities
• too busy maintaining life- not creating new one (EOYN: I'm in limbo with this right now- I know I've started to create something new- only time will tell whether or not I can keep it up)
• I am an illusion of strength
• motionless seesaw of statis
• Goal: Emotional Spontaneity (EOYN: See the word goal... I wrote that knowing that I wouldn't follow through)

So, here it is the end of the year and I don't really know what progress I've made.  I am going to be more aware of what I am doing this year.  I need to make methodic steps that I can actually keep track of.  I need to hold myself more accountable.  At the end of 2011, I need to know that I made progress even if it was just one baby step.

Here's to keeping it moving... Never back-tracking....