Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I don't have a good reason.  For being uninvolved with my creative side, that is.  I don't even know if I know why.  I can't count how many times I started to sit down to write and then just stared hopelessly at the screen.  The feeling of utter frustration takes over and I walk away.

When I originally started writing I had a specific purpose, to figure out why I don't remember much of my childhood.  I wanted to know why, what happened in my life that lead me to believe that memories weren't important.  The blog has turned into a lot more than that.  It's been my place to vent, be funny, cry, spread happiness and more than anything, communicate.  I wanted to write everyday. HAHAHA!!!!  I wanted it to go a specific way and of course it didn't.  I wanted.... to find serenity with the choas of my life.

I don't think I've done a very good job holding myself accountable.  While I don't think that I set my expections too high, I do believe that I probably should have forced myself to write, even on the offest of days.  If you know me, you know that my follow through sucks- BIG TIME.  My entire life has been a series of things that I get so so so excited to start and then at whatever point, I just stop.  Sometimes there's a reason, sometimes not.  I know this about myself.  I spent a good majority of my life being criticized by people for not following through. 

So... here we are.  Me in all of my "I Suck" glory saying... I'll do better.  I have to do better.