Tuesday, November 23, 2010


#2... That's me.  I came second and I'm the last. 

In my quest to figure me out, I figured I'd do a little bit of research on birth order.  It seems weird, even to me but I have to be open to the hoopla if I want to be on a better path, right?

My first stop in Googletown gave me this:

Last Born Traits
  • Risk takers
  • Idealists
  • Good sense of humor
  • Hard working
  • Immature
  • Attention seeking
  • Secretive
  • Sensitive
Last born children are often considered the baby of the family, and live up to this role. At times it is difficult for the last born child to find his/her place in the family, as the first and middle child have already left huge footprints to follow in, and carved their own niche into the family.

WHEW!!! This stop fills me with a lot of excitement. I DO feel like I was always being compared, I HAVE ALWAYS felt like the black sheep of the family, I DO enjoy risk in one form or another, I DO enjoy finding humor in whatever situation I'm in, I DO NOT like people in my business therefore people tend to think I'm not being honest or transparent with them because I don't tell them everything.

So far, so good... I'm basking in the sunlight....

ALL ABOARD!!! The train through Googletown is now leaving!!!!

Stops 2 and 3 leave me speachless.

I hate being tested and this is exactly what stops 2 and 3 do. I'm stuck in question hell just hoping that I get the answers right.  You'd think that you'd get them right because you're answering questions about yourself.  I FAILED! Here I am basking in the ignorance of being the Second Born but stops 2 and 3 tell me that I actually exhibit First Born tendencies.  How does someone fail a test about themselves?  Stop 1 vindicated me in a way. It gave me the reassurance that I'm not a looney.  Now I'm stuck in what seems like the house on Haunted Hill, still trying to figure me out. 

I'm no closer to the starting line.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I should have packed a bag and stayed at stop 1 a little longer.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Can Someone Please Direct Me To The Starting Line?

I've started this a thousand times. Finding myself, I mean.  Not the blog.  I came to a realization about an hour ago which prompted me to start this little piece of nothingness.  HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE YOU CAME FROM?

My situation is nothing extraordinary.  I grew up with both parents, that always provided for us. A sister, with who I had the typical sibling rivalry with. Friends that I made plans to grow up and old with.  I had an amazing childhood. Or at least, I think I did.

The funny thing about reminicsing is that you actually have to have memories. I don't. Nothing. Nada. The earliest memory I have is from the age of 13. I mean, being able to remember and experience the memory as if I were there. Like it just happened yesterday. I rely on pictures.  I rely on my parents handiwork while I was a child. I look at pictures like these so I can have some idea that I actually existed before that day when I was 13.

So, here I am.  In a space that kinda feels like a black hole.  Maybe by having someone going along for the ride- I'll be able to figure this thing out. Me- it is what it is.

P.S. I'm not one to necessarily edit.  I have no problem naming names.  I have no problem using cuss words.  This may offend some people.  But I will say this, I'm being honest. At this point, this is all I can give anyone.