I should be thankful. I should feel some level of gratitude. I should be satisfied.
F.... THAT...
This is bullshit. I don't have any reason to be grateful for nonsense. That's exactly what it is. Nonsense. Any person with any level of common sense would agree.
I hate feeling this way. I don't like ranting. That's the old me. I was good at playing the victim role. I don't expect to be happy-go-lucky all the time. What I do expect is that I figure out how to make the best of it. For whatever reason, I can't. I don't want to be the old me.
My brain is telling me to smile... My heart, well... It wants the stress of my "other" issue to go away so that I can smile. My heart is seriously broken right now and it's having a huge impact on my daily life. Last night, I read through every last one of my blogs. Yes, it was a task. I came to a huge realization- THERE ARE SEVERAL TOPICS I AVOID DISCUSSING. You'd think that I'd avoid talking about my family because I was specifically asked to- but nope. What's the point about putting your life out in the open if you really aren't gonna be open? Funny thing is... I wouldn't even know where to begin without offending people. Myself included.
To make matters worse, my insomnia has kicked back in. Hey... At least we got comfy new couches. Oh and my painting skills decided to make another appearance this morning. Maybe I'll paint the night away.
I hate feeling this way. I don't like ranting. That's the old me. I was good at playing the victim role. I don't expect to be happy-go-lucky all the time. What I do expect is that I figure out how to make the best of it. For whatever reason, I can't. I don't want to be the old me.
My brain is telling me to smile... My heart, well... It wants the stress of my "other" issue to go away so that I can smile. My heart is seriously broken right now and it's having a huge impact on my daily life. Last night, I read through every last one of my blogs. Yes, it was a task. I came to a huge realization- THERE ARE SEVERAL TOPICS I AVOID DISCUSSING. You'd think that I'd avoid talking about my family because I was specifically asked to- but nope. What's the point about putting your life out in the open if you really aren't gonna be open? Funny thing is... I wouldn't even know where to begin without offending people. Myself included.
To make matters worse, my insomnia has kicked back in. Hey... At least we got comfy new couches. Oh and my painting skills decided to make another appearance this morning. Maybe I'll paint the night away.
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