Spring is in the air... The birds are chirping... And me, well... I have to keep reminding myself that I should be happy.
I do this. I do really good for a while and then I hit a slump that is oh so hard to get out of. My life is good right now. I have amazing friends, relationships with family members (while not super good) are getting better, a stable job and insomnia that I've decided to just succomb to.
Don't get me wrong. I don't lay in bed all day with sadness. I get up, go to work, clean the house, cook. I get up and take care of business. But in whatever my day consists of, I find myself feeling somewhat spiteful. Not towards others. I hate myself. I hate what I've done to my life.
I'm fully aware of how far I've come. I made a conscious effort a while ago to do things different, to be different. I had to make a concerted effort to get out of the comfort zone I'd created in drama. I love love love the quiet space my life is in. See... There's this girl that I met through a friend, we also work together. She reminds me of Me 15 years ago. The thing that sucks for her is that she's a couple years older than me. I keep her at arm's length. I don't like being around her because trouble follows in one form or another. Everytime I'm around her, I'm reminded of how freaking stupid I've been most of my life. She came into my life for a reason... To show me how life-illiterate I've been.
I KNOW I'm not lost... I'm floating around somewhere... Floating can be fun... But at some point, I'd like to have my feet planted in something.