I got a bright idea today to clean out folders in all of my email accounts today. I value organization, without it I would be a lost lady. I cleaned out one folder in one account. I didn't fully accomplish my task, but I made progress. I opened the sent folder and literally read through everything the folder contained. Keep in mind, this folder only went back to December 1, 2010, it contained 689 emails.
I came to a couple realizations while sifting through the madness. The first is that, I absolutely love the daily contact I have with Stan. Second, there are times that I was probably a little bit too hard on him. The two us of talk basically everday. Some conversations are just random tidbits of speech, but others well, it seems like were attempting to have substance. He has a roundabout way of trying to teach me to get to a point where I hold myself accountable. He'll ask a question and in true Laura fashion, I reply with some kind of smartass comment. He'll go along with it and in the end, I end up giving him a hard time about not having a clear understanding of where our relationship is going. He'll tell me I'm thinking too much, which upsets me even more and then we stop the conversation there. He has a forgiving personality, so he'll email me the next morning just to see how I slept. He's strong. It's rare that you come across someone that can forget everything that was said the previous day. I don't actually think that he forgets, I think he just chooses to see that I'm a work in progress.
I thrive on having someone to talk to everyday. E-mail and IM have been our number one source of communication for a long time- while it isn't ideal, I know that is better than nothing. The good thing about this is that because I know how he speaks, what his voice sounds like, tones that he uses with certain words, etc., I don't think our lack of actually voice or face to face communication is hindered. Don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to just be able to sit in front of him and have an actual conversation. But thats mostly because I haven't been able to see his face for so long.
Commication has a lot of forms. Having just recently lost a child, I talk to him in my head all the time and I have peace during these conversations that somewhere out there, he hears me. I have a wonderful roommate that is able to sit for days and do nothing but talk. This has been a rare occasion for Laura in the past. I've also never been a big hugger- most affection for that matter has been an issue. Janis and I hug A LOT!!! Sometimes for no reason, but I cherish these moments. E-mail of course has become a big way of communication for a lot of people. When e-mail started to get big, I fought it a little bit and still attempted to sit down and hand write letters to people. I've learned that I type a lot faster than my brain sends signals to my fingers to write. So I gave in.
It sounds cliche' but communication really is important. Not just for the person you're talking to but for you as well. If you walk aways from any kind of conversation not feeling confident, there's obviously something within that needs to be worked on. You have to be stong in what you're saying. It could be something as simple as a joke- if you walk away feeling like the other people didn't get it, then it was pointless. You can't do anything about people's listening skills but you can be confident in what you're saying.