Friday, January 14, 2011

The Universe Works In Mysterious Ways...

I've always been one of "those" people.  The people that blame everyone else when the current relationship their in doesn't work.  Mostly its because of insecurity.  See, whenever I get out of a relationship, the person that I was with decides that his next relationship is "the one."  Because of this, I spend a lot of time blaming everyone else for the demise so that I don't have to second guess myself.  If I don't do that I would spend way too much time bad mouthing myself.  Every person I've ever been in a relationship with was treated very well.  I've always gone beyond what I needed to in order to keep the relationship.  So much so that I end up feeling like I completely lost myself.  But I never minded, because I wanted to keep the relationship.  In short... I ended up looking really stupid.

All that said, I've come to a decision.  There was a mutual favor done in those relationships.  Not only was I not ready to be in a relationship, neither were they.  Don't get me wrong, I sincerely loved the people I've been involved with.  I cared about them all deeply.  I guess to a point, I still do.  But it wasn't right.  I would have ended up miserable with all of those relationships.  Ah hell... I was miserable in those relationships.  It was hard to end all of them... But it needed to happen.

Love is fickle... just because you love and care about someone doesn't mean they feel the same way.  What I've learned is that I DON'T need them to reciprocate.  I thank the universe everyday that I still have the ability to experience real love given the horrible experiences I've endured.  I finally feel like I am a whole person.  I do not need anyone to fulfill me.  I am who I am.  Whoever decides to come into my life can only enhance. 

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